I talked to my sister about MBTI today. A bit. It started at dinner with my Dad and her. We ended up talking about how I, to them, seem very impolite for how I act in social situations such as dinner parties. Particularly to my sister. To her, politeness seems to be very important. She kept talking about how the most important thing was to be polite, while implying that falsity was okay to achieve the politeness. She also thinks that making conversation is easy and that it doesn't matter much what you talk about as long as one keeps conversation going. She thinks that it isn't difficult to make the person you're talking to interested in what you're talking about. The thing is that she quite obviously has no idea how I work. She has completely different values to me, and her mind seems to work in a very different way. She is as much a mystery to me; I don't think she sees me as a mystery. More that I'm just impolite and wrong. That I am just not trying hard enough or putting effort in. See, I still haven't typed her in MBTI terms. I have typed other people (E.g. parents) just fine, but I cannot type her because I have no understanding of how she works, even though she is my sister. From my earlier questioning of her, once I got her to be more rational, I figured out that she almost certainly has Te and Fi. I'm almost absolutely sure about that. Perceiving functions I'm not so sure on. I'm also sure that she's an extrovert, even if she might be a slightly shy one. She works hard and she doesn't find that difficult. She seems to find getting things done to be easy. This suggests Te. She shows no indication of Ti or reflection to me. I have to really press her to make her even start to think that way. I'm thinking maybe ENFP now. Maybe. That'd be Ne-Fi-Te-Si. I don't understand Si very well, and even though she seemed to show some understanding, she didn't seem that comfortable with it. He Fi seems very strong, but cannot be the dominant function if she is an extrovert. He Te also seems quite strong, but it seems to me that tertiary functions are not anywhere near as undeveloped as quaternary ones and therefore that it could still be fairly strong; enough to have a positive impact. That leaves Ne as the first one. She is creative and likes to go out and have fun. However, this is not in the reckless way Se can be. She likes to know things are somewhat safe; or at least know the risks. I'm becoming quite convinced by this ENFP idea.
This thing about plans for next year... It bothers me that nothing is ever set. The moment I put things out into the world I become disinterested and see all the flaws in it. It's out of my mind and I'm moving on. This is making things so difficult. I don't know what to do with myself next year. Do I get more A-levels? Do I get new experiences, a job or something that will build towards my knowledge for university next year? What the hell do I do? I know my indecision is frustrating for other people, but I think that it might be even more so for me. I hate not having a solid foundation for my next year. Yes I like to meander, but I don't like not having any foundation at all. I find it very unsettling. I'm trying to see university as simply an opportunity to develop knowledge as opposed to a life investment; that I can do whatever I want afterwards. If I want to continue in the field, fine. If I want to do a different degree, that's fine too. I have to stick with that for now. Finding a mental state that works for this is extremely precarious. I don't need the flaws pointed out to me. I know them, have processed them and am trying to find a way around them so that I manage to get something done. Anything. I hate being entirely aimless.
Hm... I think that sometimes I feel as though someone I'm talking to could experience the same interest and awe I do about something if only I could explain it well enough. This is part of the reason why I try to provide such a complete explanation of things for people, give them all my source links and show them what I'm talking about. I literally write entire two thousand word essays, patiently explaining every aspect of everything I can think of (and if I have this much to say then I will have a huge web of thoughts on the matter) so that nothing should confuse them, and providing my own trusted source links at the bottom so that they can research more for themselves and hopefully see what I see. I know that it is futile, but something in me says that if I can only explain to them why, and give them the same information, experiences and way of looking at it, they might be able to feel the wondrous way I do. I want to share with them just how amazing this thing seems to me.
Also, I originally wrote the following response on tumblr in response to another post, but I want to show it to you guys. Here it is. It's two paragraphs.
I like that learning about INTPs in detail has led me to both accept and understand myself and my flaws, and be more confident in who I am. As time has gone by I've become more able to stand up for myself and resist adaptions that just are not good for how I work; to understand why things do or do not come easily to me and where my strengths are. I've also been able to develop my strengths; particularly through these long, introspective essay-type posts.
The other thing that I like so much about MBTI is that I really do understand that not everyone thinks the way I do. Not only that, but that not everyone has the capacity to think the way I do, even if I don't understand exactly how they think. I think that's probably the more important point. Usually in society one is led to believe that everyone starts from the same template and just happens to develop different strengths. That if one tries hard enough, one should not find it much more difficult than anyone else to develop a skill, except for someone having some magic talent or having a head start on you. MBTI has taught me that this is absolutely not true. There are some things that people are just not suited for. Not only that, but there are things that people cannot understand about one another because they process something in an entirely different way (for example, I find Fe vs Fi extremely confusing; I have an extremely vague idea of Fi and do not truly understand it). I find understanding things easier when I can use them in some sort of system I've invented. MBTI has given me a structured basis for understanding people, why miscommunications happen between myself and others, why others have values which seem minor in importance when compared to my own values and that those values are held to the same level as I hold mine. I sometimes say that I cannot understand why people cannot even see where I am coming from, even if they do not agree, when I show them all of my information and my experiences. MBTI shows me why. So, yes, it is easy to say that of course everybody thinks differently, but it is quite another to truly have a basis of understanding.
Yeah... Thoughts.
